the end

And so, my experience in being honest and giving up Facebook is over.
I think that from now on, I may think a little bit before I lie. Which, unfortunately, doesn't make you a very good liar. I suppose it's a compromise. Either you're honest most of the time and suck a lying when the time comes that it's necessary, or you're good at lying and sometimes you can't escape unnecessary deceit. It'd be good to strike a balance, but I think that, honestly (haha), I would rather be a good liar. You can't think twice, you just have to go with it.
Perhaps after lying, though, I'll think more about it. Whether or not it was necessary, things like that.

I suppose it's good to be honest about the fact that I'm more sold on lying than ever. I mean, I could just come away with the moral that "oh my gosh lying is BAD!"
Maybe I'm just cynical.

Anyway, I suppose I'm going to stop writing now and get on Facebook. It's about time.

day four

Tomorrow at noon, my bout of honesty will be done. Not exactly sure how I feel about that. It probably won't be a big deal. It hasn't changed much except telling my mom that yes, I did stay up until 3 am playing WoW last night. And no, I don't think I'll go practice my piano today, even if I tell you that I'll do it in an hour or so.
Really, this isn't changing things too much. She reacts about the same, but I think it's becuase she knows that I'm only being honest because I have to, so my grudging admittance to late night gaming isn't really out of guilt or moral fiber, it's because I am obligated.

Also, trying to be honest has really just cemented my belief that lies are good sometimes. I've found that perhaps I tell more lies than your average person, but only because I have a great fear of rejection or disapproval. Most of the time, it's better to lie about that calculus quiz and say it was a pop quiz than incite the wrath of your mother when she realizes that you didn't study. I mean, she's going to get mad at your grade anyway, so you should at least make her think that it wasn't entirely your fault. She'll never know if it was really a pop quiz or not, because all the stupid online grade thing says is "quiz."

The saying about begging forgiveness rather than asking permission also comes to mind. If you tell a small lie about what you're going to do after school, like saying you're at an NHS event when you're actually eating Burger King and playing videogames, you won't have to beg forgiveness or ask permission, as long as nothing is found out. Just keep track of the time, so it doesn't look like you're gone too long. Plus, then when you get home, you can ask if you can go eat Burger King and play videogames with your friends and get back to what you were just doing, no harm done, no wrath incited by asking to go directly after school. Once you've accomplished something after school, the chances of getting to hang out increase greatly.

Yeah, that one's a true story. One of my better adventures in deceit. I'm really not sure if I should be proud of how well that worked out, or sad that I don't think twice about doing it.

day three

Today, Facebook was even more inconventient. I wanted to link Sebastian to Sheryl's note, but I couldn't. But see, it's just petty stuff like this. There's really nothing too bad about living without Facebook. Although I still can't wait to be able to go back on.

I read to the part in Siddhartha where he indulges himself. I kind of realized that my resolution to indulge in honesty is more like a resolution to give up lying. Because it's not easy, it's not natural, and it really isn't enjoyable.
It is, however, making me think a lot about things. So, even though it's not really what I was planning on, it is still an enlightening experience. I think that this would be more of an indulgence if I was going to school, where I could finally tell the idiots in my French class to shut up. I think that would be my biggest wish. That class is so ridiculous. I went through a phase where I slept every class, then I moved seats, so now I just confer with Erik on how disappointed we are with today's youth. I just want to give them a piece of my mind. They need to realize that they are not cool, not smart, and least of all, not the most important thing in the world. This is why they are in French I a year behind when they could have been.
Of course, then, I'm in French I four years behind, but still. It's not the same.

day two

Regarding yesterday's predicament, I decided that forcing yourself to be honest also forces you to think about things before you say them. Because, if you must say what you mean, you have to know what you mean, right? You have to be sure of your opinions if you're not going to have a mask of dishonesty to cover up your mistakes.
So I decided to listen to Sebastian's song a couple more times before I e-mailed him back. I still am not crazy about it, but I definitely think better of it than "it sucks!" I did tell him what I really though about the sub-par vocals, but I decided that lots of the problems are probably because it was recorded and mixed by amateurs. I also requested any other songs they may have recorded because I'm really hoping that I'll like some of the other ones better. After this honesty binge is over, I don't want to have to lie every time we talk about his band.

However, I'm still not sure that in daily life, I'm really being as honest as I should. I'm one of those kinds of people who hates conflict, but not with a burning passion because all burning passions get you is more conflict. Most of the lying and such that I do is to keep everyone happy with each other, or at least happy with me. I really am starting to wonder if honesty is the best policy.
However, I did tell my mom the truth that I stayed up until 3 am playing WoW last night. Most of the time I lie and just say that I couldn't really fall asleep and that's why I got up at noon when I went to bed at nine thirty.

I would ask you to tell me what's going on on Facebook regarding the Gov School drama... but that'd be cheating. So I won't. Also, I saw that my Gov School roomie wrote on my wall the other day. She's NEVER on Facebook. So I feel like I missed an opportunity. But I'm seeing that Facebook is more of an inconvenience than a moral dilemma causer.
Maybe I should have tried going vegetarian instead. I've always wanted to try that...

day one

As far as the giving up social networking goes, it's mostly just an inconvenience. From checking my e-mail, I can see that people have commented on my last status linking them to this and saying I'll be off the FB for about five days. Seriously? A lot of good that's doing, seeing as I'm not going to be able to respond!
So I guess that's what's bothering me the most about Facebook. That and the ongoing drumline/WoW chat thing that I really need to post something to, but I can't. Also, I feel like if any plans are made to get together or something, they'll be on Facebook and I won't know. And they'll just get together anyway and be like "hmmm... wonder why Sarah isn't here...."

And, to be honest, there really hasn't been much of an opportunity to be honest. I mean, with no school, I don't have anything to lie about. Well, except...
Sebastian sent me a link to a demo track his band did. Must... be... honest...
I don't like it at all. I think it sucks. The singer is kinda out of tune and there's no connecting motive, I can't hear what they're saying. They have some kind of electronic keyboard part that is really simple and repetitive. And... What can I say to that? I just haven't e-mailed him back.

Which is not being honest. Of course this had to come up right when I decided to speak my mind. So I guess... I have to, don't I? I wonder how far not saying the whole truth delves into lying... I mean, there's a difference between being brutally honest with someone who you hate and someone that you like, right? Sometimes, lying can be good?
But I decided to be honest, so now I guess I have to. Maybe explaining my honesty pact would help? No. The damage would be done. Dammit.

Wish me luck.

soul searching

Today, I begin my journey to find myself.
Kind of, but that just sounded too epic to ignore.

Anyway, last Thursday in English class, we started reading Siddhartha. As a project, we have to indulge in one thing and give up something else for 48 hours - 1 week. I think I'm gonna aim for five days, since that seems about in the middle.

I am going to give up social networking. Facebook, Twitter, any E-mail that isn't school-related. That kind of thing. I am not giving up blogging because I figure it's only linking me to one person and it's a good release of negative energy since all I do on these things is complain. Plus maybe I'll be more motivated to actually do these journals if I have someone to share them with?

I am going indulge in honesty. Kind of weird, but I decided that it's high time that I say what I mean and stop being so freaking diplomatic. I don't know how far I'm going to go with this. It's going to be hard, and that's why I picked it. I think I'm going to limit it to only situations where opinion comes up or I just can't hold it in. I'm not going to go around willy-nilly roasting people that I actually hate and confessing all my secret loves. That wouldn't accomplish anything but awkwardness. And I think this resolution is going to be awkward enough on its own.

So there we go. If I don't update daily, I'm shirking my work, so please keep me on track, even if I want to derail myself.